My last post was about one of the most surreal dreams I’ve ever had. I really do feel in every speck of my being like it was more than just a dream though. Instead, it felt like I was gifted a sneak peek into quantum physics. In that dream, I was allowed to see the expansive darkness between particles (dark matter?); how paper thin our dimension really is and how easily is can be manipulated and bent; and what energy particles look like and how they move when attracted to or repelled by things in their environment. Regardless of what it may have been though, this post is about my therapist’s response to my dream.
About a year ago, I was telling my therapist about some of my strange experiences, including my meditation story (coming soon) and the aforementioned dream. I think the context of our discussion was that I should mediate and relax more and I brought up these two examples as a way to demonstrate how “relaxation” can sometimes be biting off more than I can chew. When I mediate, or even sleep, things tend to go a little sideways. That’s when I told him that I had this spiritually transformative experience and how it had a real impact on me. It was years ago and I still feel like it was only a second ago. I’m still that little particle just zooming through space. Of course, it’s informed my life because it reduced me down to my core.
Anyways, he was telling me that it was probably a hypnogogic experience where things get jumbled between sleeping and waking. He was dead set on dismissing my experience as that until I told him the details of the dream and then he got silent. He’s never silent, so I knew something was up. And then he proceeded to tell me about his near death experience. He had almost drown. When he was under the water, he was also reduced down to the particle level and instead of being zoomed in like I was, he was zoomed out to a galaxy level. He was out there in the blackness, just like I had been, but instead of the cityscape, he could see planets, moons, space debris. It was almost the same exact experience except he was at a different magnification. There was something there guiding him as well and trying to help him along. So when we both processed the tales told, I asked him if he believed that my experience was hypnogogic after all and he said no. It was just left as a “no.” We both dropped and subject because what else could be said. I think we were both freaked out but I needed that affirmation so badly.
Since my dream, I’d been looking far and wide to find someone else who’s experienced something similar. I’ve been to meetings with near death experiencers and scoured the internet. It’s mostly recountings of seeing a calming white light, floating above your body, seeing deceased loved ones, being sent back but not wanting to return. There’s the occasional hellscape story in the mix but…yikes, I’ll pass on that. It has always weighed on me that no one else spoke of seeing this Lite-Brite type cityscape and being shown how it all works. Being a particle and being able to zoom in and out of magnification. Having someone there to help you do all of that and answer your questions about the way things work. I thought for sure someone else in this world must have experienced something like this and it just so happened that the one person who had was my therapist. I love it when life’s plan comes together!
The Unmaker 