As previously mentioned, I’ve got a meditation story to tell that takes the cake and it’s probably the reason that I’m not too keen on giving meditation another go. This occurred about eleven years ago when I was living in a studio apartment along Lower Creek in Freeville, NY. I was definitely on a health and fitness kick at the time because I remember hitting Zumba classes after work just about every night and practicing yoga every day. A part of this kick must have been attempting to mediate. I remember that it was mid-day, I laid down on my bed, and turned on a guided meditation video on YouTube. The speaker had me visualizing walking in nature and in my mind I was immediately walking on a trail in Ulster Landing in Saugerties, NY. I could see everything just like I was there even though it had been about five years since I walked those grounds. There’s a spot on one of the trails there where it turns into a “Y” and the left part abruptly ends at a posted sign so you can’t continue. Thus, you’re basically forced to go right at the “Y” unless you want to trespass. I’m a rule follower so I never did.
So while I was meditating and moseying along this familiar trail in my mind, I got to the POSTED sign and as soon as I read it, something punched me in the chest. I need to clarify, I was not punched in my meditating mind, I was physically punched in the room that I was in. It was hard enough to knock the wind out of my lungs. Nothing fell on me or hit me that I could see. It was just me and my dog in this apartment and my dog was soundly sleeping…until I jumped out of my skin. Once I looked around for what hit me and found nothing, I was irate! I was still out of breath when I shouted to the ether that I was NOT going to stand for that treatment. It took me a second to realize that someone, somewhere did not want me trespassing past that posted sign and of course, being the stubborn ass that I am, I decided that I was going to restart that mediation video, retrace my steps, and take the forbidden left! I’m not going to let anything think that it can bully me in my own space!
Now, on a normal day, I’d never be able to retrace my mental steps like that, but I was pissed so I did it. I walked that trail again and when I got to the sign, I went through it into the forbidden zone. I’m not going to lie, I felt some trepidation when I went off the beaten path and was waiting for something else messed up to occur. However, much to my delight, nothing did. I continued on walking along this little deer path. As I went, the forest grew less open and the trail started to get more hemmed in with foliage. It wasn’t uncomfortable though. Instead, it was enjoyable and relaxing. After about five minutes of walking/meditating–I wasn’t even listening to the video at this point–I passed through a thick group of tree limbs and came out into an opening featuring a beautiful pergola with a glassine pool in front of it. It was all so serene and secluded and was clearly built for relaxation and mediation. It was also completely open, there were no fences keeping anyone out.
I walked through the pool area and into the pergola where there were two meditation cushions set up next to one another and about a 10 foot, sculpture of a black ant. I know, random choice for a sculpture but I didn’t find it too strange at the time. I sat on a cushion, crossed my legs, closed my eyes, and began to mediate. About a minute later, a large ant, the size of the sculpture (it may have actually been the sculpture) sat down on the cushion facing me. It was wearing a long, black robe and looked perfectly zen.
Let me just interrupt to say, I was not asleep. I was not on any drugs. Carbon monoxide was not an issue. This is me, meditating. And yes, I went a little “off book” from what the YouTube video was telling me to do, that’s for certain. I promise, there was no mention of insects, at all, in the video. Now, back to the story…
Having a giant ant sit across from me didn’t freak me out as much as I thought it would but please believe me, my meditating mind knew this wasn’t the norm. My mind was still very much awake thinking that this was weird but it was also like hey this is kinda cool. Then we began to communicate to one another, telepathically, like it was something we did all the time. It told me that it was almost time for me to return home because I was needed. They were planning to “collect me” soon and to wrap things up here. In that moment, I knew exactly what it was talking about and I emphatically stated that I wasn’t ready to leave. The ant then asked me “Why, do you want to stay so badly?” Inferring that there’s no way that I could possibly enjoy being a human. I told it that most people were worth saving, despite our opinions of them; I absolutely adore animals; and this planet contains such beauty. The ant was completely taken aback by all of that but I got the impression that I was of a higher rank so it couldn’t outright laugh at my sentiments.
We struck a deal that since things weren’t at a tipping point at “home” yet, I could stay here a little longer. Then I’ll be “collected” and installed back to my seat in some sort of ant-being colony before things got too bad. I got the impression that some sort of conflict was occurring at home and I was one of the few that could solve it. However, a part of my being a human was to learn things that may help “us” back home. So after this very regular feeling exchange, I got up and walked back into the woods and rejoined the YouTube meditation video. Once the video ended, I came out of the meditation and was completely perplexed. Trust me, when I embarked on meditating that day, never had I ever expected to learn that I’m some leader of an ant-being colony from another place and that I’d be begging to not be “collected.” Not on my bingo card, ever!
Of course, after processing all of this, I took to the interwebs and proceeded to find nothing on ant-beings. There’s a ton of information on mantids, reptilians, cryptids, etc… but nothing on huge ants. So, this is nothing that’s seeped into my subconscious. If that’s the case, my mind would have thought up something that was out there in the zeitgeist.
Last year, I was telling a fella who stopped into my shop on occasion about this experience. He’s a shaman who loves a good conspiracy theory or cryptid story so I knew that he wasn’t going to judge me too harshly. He was a little shook because he actually had just listened to a podcast about ant-people living in tunnels in the earth. He was able to point me in the direction of two accounts of people coming into contact with these beings. One podcast had an interview with someone who saw ant-beings working with a group of human government officials and other varieties of non-human beings. So I guess, I’m not alone in my insanity! But this experience is definitely why I say that meditation can be a little bit more than I can handle. Hah!
And I know how crazy this all sounds so of course I expect you to take it all with a grain a salt. I definitely do. So, there’s no need to add a bedazzled straight-jacket to my wardrobe anytime soon.
The Unmaker 